In Sanity We Trust

...Broken News...
March 2006)

Armless Fun

New Zealand police pulled a man over for speeding only to discover he had no arms and was driving with his feet. He was clocked travelling at 121km/h (75mph). The 32 year old unemployed Waikato man said he was born without arms, had never held a driving licence and that he taught himself to drive. The cops reckoned it was pretty foolish behaviour.

Obituary:

Humprey the cat, Chief Mouser at 10 Downing St. who served three Prime ministers since wandering into the building as a stray in 1989. BBC Report

Diversions:

Check out the fly guy

Saint Patrick's Day

17/3/2006

This one came in the mail. Evidently there are some rumblings of discontent at the current Bush administration.

Dear Sir:

I am a senior citizen. During the Clinton Administration I had an extremely good and well paying job. I took numerous vacations and had several vacation homes.

Since President Bush took office, I have watched my entire life change for the worse. I lost my job. I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraqi War. I lost my home. I lost my health insurance. As a matter of fact, I lost virtually everything and became homeless. Adding insult to injury, when the authorities found me living like an animal, instead of helping me, they arrested me.

I will do anything to insure President Bush's defeat in the next election. I will do anything that Senator Kerry wants to insure that a Democrat is back in the White House come next year. Bush has to go. I just thought you and your readers would like to know how one senior citizen views the Bush Administration. Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

Sincerely,

Sadaam Hussein

He's A Lumberjack And He's O.K.

A Croatian lumberjack is initiating legel action after his kidney transplant operation. It seems the kidney came from a female donor and since the operation Stjepan Lizacic, 56 claims he has developed a penchant for doing housework and now enjoys knitting. He says he has become a laughing stock and is now seeking compensation. Mrs. Lizacic is quoted as saying that she doesn't actually mind the extra help around the home but hopes her husband won't start looking at other men.   -   more

Here's one from our Time Wasting Department: Silly shit with a tennis ball section. Good luck! My record so far is 29.

The Filth and the Fury

With typical bluster the Sex Pistols have voiced their disdain for the Rock and roll Hall of Fame and have told organizers in a handwritten letter that they will not be attending on March 13th when they, along with Blondie, Herb Alpert and Black Sabbath are due to be inducted. The letter which is posted on their website reads as follows (grammatical errors included):

"Next to the SEX PISTOLS rock and roll and that hall of fame is a piss stain. Your museum. Urine in wine. Were not coming.Were not your monkey and so what? Fame at $25,000 if we paid for a table, or $15,000 to squeak up in the gallery, goes to a non-profit organisation selling us a load of old famous. Congradulations. If you voted for us, hope you noted your reasons. Your anonymous as judges, but your still music industry people. Were not coming. Your not paying attention. Outside the shit-stem is a real SEX PISTOL"

No less than one might expect. Never mind the bollocks!

Indie Rock

While we're on the subject of filth I recently came across this report of a world record having been laid by one Michelle Hines in 1995. Acting with the advice of nutritionists at the University of Michegan she produced a stool the entire length of her colon (28 feet) at a local high school bowling alley. we could probably call this "One From The Anals of Time." Details here. Not for the squeemish. (Don't ask me how I find this stuff!)