In Sanity We Trust

...Broken News...
March 2007

How High is your spam count?

Poking through your junk mail from time to time can yield some interesting results.

The insanitywetrust mailbox suffers a veritable deluge of unsolicited mail, much of which is unintelligible, inscrutible or otherwise generally undesirable. One example.....

Do not ignore me please,

I fouand your email sobmewhere and now daecideda to write you. I am coming to your place ina few weeks and thoughbt we can meet each other. Let me know if you do not mind. I am a nice bpretty girl. Don't reply to this email. Email me direclty at
xn@yahoomaildirect.info

(I don't thbink so swbeetheart.)

Then there are the viagra and penis enlargement crowd casting aspertions about your proportions and potency (and how do they know that stuff anyway?), lottery winning notifications, fake degrees and people dying of cancer with shitloads of cash who want to just give itr all away.

While one of the online pushers audaciously declared.....

This image passed through all filters so you our potential customer could have an opportunity to know about our great services and products.

(Viagra, of course!))

Mrs Rita Gilbert came in with the following offer.....

I am Mrs.Rita Gilbert,the wife of Mr.Sam Gilbert,both of us, are citizens of the United states of America. my husband worked with the Chevron/Texaco in Russia for twenty years before he died in the year2003.We were married for ten years without a child. My Husband died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of (Seven Million Five Hundred Pounds Sterlings) with a Bank in Europe Presently, this money is still with the Bank and the management just wrote me as the beneficiary that our account has been DORMANT and if I, as the beneficiary of the funds, do not re-activate the account; the funds will be CONFISCATED or I rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf (note that you need to activate this account) as I can not come over. Presently, I'm in a hospital in Russia where I have been undergoing treatment for esophageal cancer.I beg you in the name of God to help me Stand-in as the beneficiary and collect the Funds from the Bank.i want a person that is God- fearing who will use this money to fund churches, I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my soundless voice and presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development.Please reach me on my private mail: ritagilbert_4@yahoo.com.hk Remain Blessed Mrs.Rita Gilbert

This was remarkably similar to one I had received earlier from Mrs. Sarah Baxter sarah_baxter_foundation@yahoo.com.hk whose husband had also died after a brief (just 4 days!) illness after having worked for Texaco/Chevron for 20 years. They both have Hong Kong email addresses. Where their stories diverge is that the Baxters worked out of Jordan whereas the Gilberts were in Russia. Other widows dying of cancer include Mrs. Lily Brown infochambers02@yahoo.co.uk Mrs. Koko Fernadez mails4kokofernandez@yahoo.ie who unfortunately won't last another three months, and Lady Rita Mosley ritmley_mosley@yahoo.co.uk who as well as the cancer has also suffered a stroke. Mr Flue Dangote fluudangote@yahoo.com of Norway similarly is suffering from esophagal cancer and isn't long for the world. Similarly afflicted, Robert Ivor Hollyer robert_ivor@adelphia.com has only a few days left and Mrs. Brenda Jones barristerleoscott@yahoo.co.uk a matter of hours.

Another common theme in these emails is religion. Mr. Dangote, Bob and the widows operate under a veil of Christian sincerity to snare the greedy and the gullible. These are of course variations on the notorious Nigerian email scam a.k.a. 419 scam check it out on Snopes

Over the past few days I have become fabulously rich from internet lotteries. I didn't even have to buy a ticket, my email address was randomy chosen and entered into the draw and as a result I won the following sums:

€1,000,000.00 (POWERBALL EURO E-MAIL INTERNATIONAL)
500,000.00 (POWERBALL EURO E-MAIL INTERNATIONAL)
891,934.00 (UK NATIONAL LOTTERY)
750,000.00 (UK NATIONAL LOTTERY)
500,000.00 (EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS LEAGUE)
1,750,000.00 (MICROSOFT WORD LOTTERY, UK)
500,000.00 (YAHOO PROMOTIONS)
$2,500,000.00 (UK NATIONAL LOTTERY)
$917,956.00 (FREE LOTTO SWEEPSTAKES)
$1,000,000.00 (FREE LOTTO INTERNATIONAL)

In total a million Euros three and a half million dollars and almost five million British pounds, enough surely, to retire on.

What are the odds?! Not only that but all the loan requests I never made were approved. "Bad credit O.K.!" On the downside my paypal account has been compromised. On the upside I don't have a paypal account. I didn't follow the link so I gues my account will be temporaraly (sic) suspended. You just don't know what you've got til it's gone.

IF IF = THEN THEN THEN = ELSE ELSE ELSE = IF;

Add comment

From Bizarre News

----------- Man Arrested Fighting With Shrubbery -----------

HILTON ISLAND, S.C. A man was charged with public disorderly conduct in Hilton Island, S.C. after being observed "in a physical confrontation with shrubs" by a deputy. The Beaufort County Detention Center's online log said the 23-year-old man, whose name was not released, smelled of alcohol and was taken to the detention center to await prosecution, the Hilton Head Island Packet reported. The deputy that took the man in said he was responding to a complaint the man had attempted to get into someone else's car. When the deputy arrived on the scene the man allegedly had moved on to beating the vegetation. The police report said the man ran across the street to get in one last kick on a bush before talking to police.

"If you want to understand music you have to play. To find out that the songwriter actually beat his wife, sodomized his dog and is in jail for fucking 99 years doesn't help you appreciate the song. Doesn't! That applies to someone trying to figure out Ulysses."
- Lou Reed

Ever wonder about the 10th Dimension?

Forget about the last one
get yourself another

Advertisers are well known for their objectification of women. This unpaid promotion for Asahi beer is reprinted here out of purely aesthetic considerations.

Code Name "Zigzag"

Double agent Eddie Chapman, decorated by both sides in WWII

EDDIE CHAPMAN. A deserter from the Coldstream Guards in the 1930s he then turned to crime. A safecracker by profession and serving fourteen years in jail on Jersey in the Channel Islands, at that time under German occupation, he volunteered to spy for the Germans in England. He was trained at the Abwehr sabotage school at Nantes in France and then was parachuted into England with a mission to blow up the DeHavilland aircraft factory at Hatfield, in Hertfordshire, which was producing the new fighter-bomber, the Mosquito. After landing, he contacted British Intelligence who contrived a plan to blow up part of the factory not in use, giving the Germans the impression that the mission had succeeded. On returning to Jersey for more work, Eddie Chapman (Code Name 'ZigZag') was decorated with the German Iron Cross. After the war, Chapman was also awarded a British decoration, the only Englishman thus awarded!. Later he set up a health farm and died in 1997.

.....more Lesser known facts of WWII

Diversions

Lets face it, we've all been frustrated at times in exams. Sometimes those mathematics problems, appear little more than a jumble of unrelated heiroglyphics. We look at some amusing and creative replies to those unanswerable questions.

more.....



I want to be like Gandhi and Martin Luther King and John Lennon, but I want to stay alive.
- Madonna

EXIT

Off-Motorway Notes

by David Eggleton

Men in cages hiding from the light. Whizzing along the road inside little metal and glass cages with rubber wheels.

Or just sitting in the little wooden cubes (houses if you like) with small sqares of squares glass in the sides through which they can see hills bursting with bush. Frightening. So they sip hot liquid. Squabble. They listen to noises. Organised static, a bit muddy as it comes over the airwaves. A voice on the radio is talking fast, trying to remind them of some product.

Soon a younger one starts whistling, "Please Release Me". He puts down the guitar he has been tinkering with and gets upright. Balanciung himself on the pods of his feet (though he's unaware of it) he goes down the tube of the corridor and moves along the footpath. He walks beside vertical poles and small locked cages parked on the black tar.

Eventually he returns from the shop, that small niche with a big glass cover through which he can see people passing one another bits of material with their hands. He returns sucking a sweet thing on a stick with his mouth. His eyes are glazed with obvious pleasure like two tiny black berries. His lungs are feeding on the air.

He goes back into the big box of his home. In the womb-like lounge they are watching afternoon t.v. Their eyes blink in time with the screen's changing pictures. They go on doing these things because they must.

He sits outside in the sun. When he opens his eyes a bit more to look out at the harbour he yawns but hardly notices anything. He thinks ofclimbing in through the door of his car and speeding out along the road, going as fast as he can as if something was following him. Maybe pick up a dozen beer and shut everything out.

In his perversity he shouts, "Here's piss in your eye". Nothing answers.

!!!EXIT!!!